Top Ten Things To Know About Kink #BDSM 4 comments


High heel and whip

Top Ten Things to Know About Kink

If you are of the type who doesn’t want to read up about being kinky, go to classes and events so you can learn hands on, or connect with other kinky people so you can learn kink etiquette, then I frown at you. Learning is VERY important, but I digress. If you take time for nothing else, remember my top ten things all people who are interested in kink and BDSM should know.

  1. Any kink or BDSM play is okay as long as everyone consents. You must have full consent by everyone involved. Consent cannot be given by children, animals, and random people in the community who happen upon your public scene. If it involves anyone in that last sentence then your kink is NOT okay. Hurting people who want to be hurt is okay. Tying people up who want to be tied up is okay. Liking pain and giving pain is okay if all give consent.
  2. BDSM play is not legal in many places. I’m not talking about archaic laws on the books that date back however many years. I mean that in many places and states you cannot consent to be beaten. It is seen as abuse and in my state of Wisconsin, the abused person or the one with marks does NOT have to press charges for the person leaving the marks to be arrested. Be careful where you play and make sure full consent is had even if what you are doing in an impact scene isn’t legal.
  3. Kinky does not mean loose, promiscuous, slutty, or ‘I live to get you a beer and give you a blowjob’. Kinky does not mean a woman wants sex, sex, sex, nor does she want emails of your penis sent to her. If someone wants to see your penis they will tell you.
  4. That woman/man over there who is a kinky submissive is a person first. She may enjoy being Daddy’s little slut, may identify as a slave, may love to be submissive or enjoy any number of wild kinky activities, but until you are in a relationship she is just a person who will appreciate respect.
  5. A munch is a gathering of kinky people. It takes place in a public forum like a bar or restaurant. People sit and talk and hang out at a munch. Munches are not a place for kinky play. Munches are not a place for a quick kinky hook-up. Munches are a social gathering of kinksters much like a social gathering of sports fans or car club enthusiasts or whatever. At a munch the vanilla people who are there in other areas don’t know the group is kinky. Munches are low key.

{Beauty’s side note: Don’t be one of those kinksters at a munch that tries to foist their kink on the vanillas that are at the place where the munch is being held. When we were leaving the munch we went to last month, one of the kinksters was doing just that. People will remember if you were being a jerk.}

  1. If you think you are dominant, learn about things before you try to be someone’s dominant. It isn’t all about you, and it isn’t all about giving orders for things you want done. No one is your submissive until you are in a relationship. No one is expected to call you Sir or Ma’am unless they are your submissive.
  2. It is NEVER okay to out a kinky person to their vanilla friends, family, or at work. Just don’t. You could easily ruin someone’s life by taking away close connections and a way to earn a living. {Please read – Stop and Think First}
  3. There is a code of conduct in kink and BDSM. Don’t touch things that aren’t yours. This goes for toys and people. Hugging and touching is something that should be asked about before doing. 
  4. Don’t be a ‘Do me sub’. If you want a relationship with a dominant person, remember they don’t exist to fulfill your fantasy’s and needs. No dominant wants to hear “Oh, you can let me suck your toes, and you can fuck me in the ass, and you can force me to dress in women’s clothing. NO, No, and No! Save it. Yes, your kinks are important but in the beginning a dominant wants to know you can follow directions, that the two of you may have other things in common besides kink, that you can provide a service in a way THEY wish.
  5. Playing with multiple partners doesn’t make someone a slut. Many BDSM scenes do not involve sex. It’s okay to play with someone who is knowledgeable with electricity, flogging, bondage, etc. Negotiate and learn. Many scenes are completely non-sexual. Kinky play is our recreation much like extreme sports for some vanilla people. It’s how we play, not necessarily how we have sex.

About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly's Top 100 Sex Bloggers. Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship's Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.


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