Stop and Think First
This post is going to be of a serious nature, and I sincerely hope that those who read my blog only because of my books and not because they are kinky, give this post a few minutes of their time. I want to speak about the fear many people have of the things they don’t understand, and the pain caused by the bigotry their fear often manifests into.
In the past few weeks two of my friends in the kink community have been outed by people who were in no way affected by these friend’s kinky lifestyle. In both cases the perpetrator came across my friends’ profiles on Fetlife, and in both cases, the outing of these individuals caused great harm. It hurt so much to witness the pain my friends had to go through, and it also made me mad as hell, so I am going to address a few points here.
First, just what were the people who outed my friends doing on Fetlife? In one case we do not know who the perp was, but in the other, it was Miss C’s own daughter. So again, what were they doing on Fet? It turns out the daughter and her boyfriend are exploring kink, and low and behold they came across Miss Cs profile. The daughter was horrified and threatened all kinds of things that would have hurt a great many people. She refused to mind her own business, and tried to blackmail Miss C into apparently being the ‘proper’ mom type. My friend is 60+ She has been involved in kink for a very long time and is safe and sane. She is a lovely person, has strong values, contributes to society like most of us do, and is an asset to the kink community, AND she is a Mistress.
Apparently the last thing there is not okay with the daughter. I don’t think I really need to go into how wrong it is to threaten to tell the whole family about mom being kinky when she, herself is also interested in kink. Does the idea of my 87 year old mom being sexual make me jump for joy? Hell no. Does it make me a little uncomfortable? Hell yes. When she asked me for a vibrator my mouth dropped open, but then I did the right thing and did as she asked. I am not twelve, if my mother’s sexual habits weird me out just a bit that is my problem, not hers. She is a grown woman and if she wants to use a damn vibrator then she has every right to. Miss C’s daughter really overstepped here and hurt her mom because she was too immature to think of her mom being kinky and sexual. The daughter needed to stop and think instead of acting like a selfish child. She caused great turmoil, worry, stress, and pain to a woman I hold dear, for absolutely no reason at all. Her mother was not being abused, scammed, being taken advantage of, or anything else along that line. It wasn’t her damn business that her mom, Miss C, has house boys who enjoy coming over to do chores dressed as sissy boys, and engage in BDSM activities.
The other incident had repercussions that were even more serious. Somebody outed him to his boss. He was called into the bosses office and shown evidence of his immoral behavior in the form of pictures from Fetlife. He was embarrassed, humiliated, and fired. He was fired because some asshole thought it was his job to be the morality police when what E was doing with his wife was of absolutely no business of anyone. He lost his means of income, his benefits, his security that the mortgage would be paid, that if he or his wife became ill they could afford the medical bills, that he could pay for food and all the other stuff we don’t just get for free. He was stripped of his dignity in that office and was kicked out the door with no sort of reference to get another job. When he applies for a new job he will have to be somewhat upfront about the reason he was fired.
E is a really good guy. Funny, sweet, caring. He loves his wife and he also loves to be her submissive and be feminized. He is a masochist, likes to engage in BDSM play that while vanilla people don’t understand, doesn’t hurt anyone. He did not force his kink on his co workers. He did not wear women’s clothing to work or show off marks he got while playing. It in no way affected his ability to do his job or hindered his productivity. He did not hold a bake sale or sell cookies or any such thing at work to raise money for a new dungeon at home. He did not pass out pamphlets telling everyone about kink, boast about the fun kinky things he did. He did nothing to anybody yet now he is uninsured and unemployed at a time when jobs are hard to find. He worked his ass off for that company for many years. Did overtime, did what needed to be done and yet the narrow mindedness of his boss and the unknown perp ruined his security and ability to support his family. It sucks and it so too wrong for words. it also hurts.
So please people, please, if you find out someone you know or work with is kinky, just leave it alone. They are no danger to you. The vast majority of us are regular people. We live, we laugh, we cry, we love. We work damn hard like everyone else and we don’t run around waving our kink flag and trying to pressure vanilla people to take a walk on the dark side. We do what we think of as recreation quietly. We live our lifestyle as we see fit without hurting anybody. We are not sex offenders, immoral, sick or twisted, we are not child molesters, we do not have secret recruiting session where we try to lure unsuspecting moral people to come be hedonistic like we are. We have families, we have lives, and we have rights. The right to earn a living, the right to have friends, the right to have relationships, and the right to do our thing even if it scares you or makes you think we are twisted or even mentally unbalanced, we have rights. As long as we do no harm we have rights. So stop and think before you out someone.
I deal with prejudice because I am a lesbian. I deal with having to hide my marriage from those I work with because telling the world I love Beauty would cause huge hassles. I hide my kinky side like it is a shameful secret, but only because I have to. I hate having to but I know that a lot of people wouldn’t understand and would feel a need to ruin my life if they found out. We kinky folks have rights. So, I’ll say it again, stop and think before you out someone. It really isn’t your business.