The Daddy/ babygirl Dynamic
This is the first of the guest posts I will be featuring on my blog in an effort to help others understand the dynamics of relationships or kinks people tend to misinterpret. My goal is not to spark debate, though polite comments are welcome. What I want is to increase our tolerance for things we don’t understand. This piece is written by a close friend, RWE. He has a great deal of experience with Daddy Dom/babygirl relationships, and was eager to share his knowledge in an effort to provide a clear and intelligent voice on this often misunderstood relationship.
Did You Call Him Daddy?
First I would like to thank two dear friends of mine for giving me the opportunity to write and share my perspective and experience on endearing and beautiful relationship of Daddy/babygirl and its dynamics. I want to make clear that this is my definition, perspective, and experience. Yours or others may vary in some degree. Some of these perspectives and dynamics do overlap with a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic. My aim is to help provide some clarification and understanding of the Daddy/babygirl concept, what it is, and what it is not.
It Is Not About Age Play
I feel it is important to clear up any misconceptions that a “babygirl” or “lilgirl” (these two terms are commonly interchangeable) does not have much, if anything at all, to do with age. There are many in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and 50’s who relate as “babygirls.” These individuals do not play to a certain age group (such as a two-year-old, six to eight year old, or teenager, etc.). Those that are into age play, those that play and relate to a certain age group (dressing in diapers, riding tricycles, using pacifiers, or playing children’s games) usually are referred to as “littles” (those into age play). Therefore “littles” and “lilgirl” (or “babygirl”) are quite different. Age play is a kink all itself and worthy of its own discussion. Daddy/babygirl is a concept, feeling, and dynamic all its own.
Daddy/babygirl is not akin to a real life Father/Daughter relationship either. A Father is a parent. A daughter is an offspring or progeny of two parents. This concept of Daddy/babygirl has nothing to do with a desire to have relations with children, nor is it about incest. Father and Daughter are relatives and by definition, incestuous. The terms “Father” and “Daughter” are generally, if not always, unacceptable in a Daddy/babygirl relationship or even in the BDSM culture.
Daddy and Daddy Dom
I will use the terms “Daddy” and “Daddy Dom” interchangeably, both meaning the same for simplicity reasons. A Daddy is very much an authority figure. Daddy’s are nurturing, passionate, and keep their babygirls safe and secure. A Daddy wants to be the center of his babygirl’s world. A Daddy is also a teacher and provides reassurance, guidance, and positive reinforcement (do you see the overlap into D/s?). Being an authority figure Daddy’s also provide firm redirection or even punishments when needed (but that is usually not the objective or first choice of action). Daddy’s provide for his babygirl’s wants and needs and encourages them to grow and flourish to be all they can be. A Daddy has the charisma, attitude, and ability to make his girl feel like a little girl. For comparison reasons only, think about how a Daddy make you feel safe, secure, and protected, as if you are the center of the universe, but also being spanked when you are naughty. Daddy’s are respectful of his girl’s limits and tend to focus on those things and activities that she finds pleasurable. Being a Daddy is something that those who relate as such hold dear in their hearts. It is dependent on how we are wired psychologically. In my experience and belief, daddy/babygirl relations fall somewhere between D/s and M/s (Master/slave) continuum. I find a daddy/babygirl relation to be somewhat deeper and more heart-felt than D/s (this is of no disrespect to any in a D/s relationship, it is just my experience. There can surely be D/s relations far better than Daddy/babygil relations). Being a Daddy is no simple task, it takes persistence, understanding, and a strong belief in his girl, probably more belief than she may have. I also feel that Daddy/babygirl relations touch more on the heart-felt and soulful side whereas D/s is more on the physical, mental, and situational side. M/s relations tend to be more on the spiritual side.
babygirls tend to “act” cute, innocent, and sometimes shy. Usually one who relates to this concept thoroughly enjoys being “Daddy’s little slut” and are usually not as innocent as they may lead one to believe (I love this part about them!). The term “slut” is an endearing term, not ever used in a derogatory manner. Babygirls feel like little girls inside but do the things that big girls (and dirty girls) enjoy, like anal sex, oral sex, being talked dirty to, and many other activities practiced in the BDSM lifestyle. Babygils love to be adored, cherished, and given lots of attention. They love to get dressed up for their Daddy’s and do naughty things for them (schoolgirl skirts with no panties, for example). babygirls like to be treated like a princess but ravished but only by their Daddies. babygirl’s need to feel safe and secure, like nothing can harm them when in Daddy’s arms. They like to hop onto Daddy’s lap and tell him all about their day, to flirt with him and make him hard. babygirls often feel like the world is a mean place and look to Daddy as a source of nurturing strength.
Some of the internal feeling babygirls have are specific to each individual. I can only explain them from a Daddy perspective. Again, each individual may see things a little differently, no two people are the same, but they may share many of the same ideals and perspectives.
A Daddy/babygirl dynamic is one of nurturing, love, and emotion. A babygirl is Daddy’s prize possession and takes great joy in her achievements and milestones. She holds the center of his heart and has the ability to hurt or disappoint him. There is a unique sense of respect between a Daddy and his babygirl. She is the apple of his eye, and him, hers. There is a dedication knowing that each of them could be with anyone they choose, but choose to be with each other. babygirl’s also need discipline to keep them from wandering from expectations and to “keep them in line.” Firm disciple is a vital component of respect and trust. Consistency of discipline and follow through help her to become all she can, one that makes Daddy proud. Without firm discipline she may try to manipulate and get her way, even if it deviates from the expectations and she may even begin to lose respect. An important aspect of this type of relationship is unconditional love and acceptance. She feels safe in his arms because he knows everything about her, her secrets, her desires, her wants, and her needs. She knows, and feels inside, that she is his top priority and she strives to assure he knows she is his top priority. To Daddy, babygirl is beautiful no matter what. Daddy’s also feeds and nurtures the many aspects of his girl’s desires and wants that leads to a mutual attainment of each other’s needs. It is much a win-win situation. One that leads to an amazing and gratifying relationship because each other’s needs and desire are met.
Many people may ask:
- How do I know if I am Daddy material?
- How do I know if I would be a good babygirl?
- Am I too young to be a Daddy?
- Am I too old you be a babygirl?
- What do I call my Daddy or babygirl in public, at lifestyle gatherings?
You as well, can only answer these and probably some others. It can be what you want to make it, together. Daddies are dominant by nature, just as babygirls are submissive. Many of the ideals and perspectives overlap a D/s relation but a Daddy/babygirl relationship adds tender affection, compassion, and customs that are as individual as those involved are. There is something special about a Daddy/babygirl relationship. It is something felt between two that only they might be able to describe.
Please be reminded that this is my own journey, experience, and interpretation of a Daddy/babygirl relationship. Others may have different viewpoints. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope it is helpful.