The Facts Regarding Domestic Discipline 7 comments


There have been several stories as of late regarding men who have been charged with assault after disciplining their wives. These stories have suggested that Domestic Discipline or Christian Domestic Discipline has been involved. To this I cry foul. I am in no way supporting anyone who abuses their partner, nor am I condoning using discipline in a relationship where one party in the relationship hasn’t agreed to living a domestic discipline lifestyle. BOTH people must consent and the means of discipline must be discussed before discipline is used for the relationship to be called Domestic Discipline.

I will not claim to know the intricacies of Christian Domestic Discipline because that is not the relationship I live. If a Christian man punishes his wife because when they married she vowed to obey him AND gave her consent for him to punish her if she failed in her duties, then I am okay with that. If on the other hand a Christian or a man of any religion punishes or beats his wife because the bible, another book of religion, or his God said it is okay but he does not have the consent of his wife, then I am NOT OKAY with that. Discipline without consent is abuse. I don’t care who tells someone they can discipline their partner. If it isn’t the one on the receiving end of the punishment, then it is abuse.

All of this goes back to any type of power exchange relationship be it Mistress and submissive, slave and Master, domestic discipline with a kinky twist (this is the one Beauty and I live), or strictly Christian domestic discipline. The one in charge must have the consent of the person on the receiving end of the physical correction. That said:

Anyone can abuse their power even if their partner has consented. boundaries must be set up and limits adhered to.

Correction doesn’t mean beating the hell out of someone. When I spank Beauty for a failure to do as she is told, I use the hairbrush and deliver a good hard spanking on her ass, but it doesn’t leave her in terrible pain for days. I can certainly get my point across without going overboard. I love her and don’t enjoy punishing her.

Discipline should NEVER occur when the one in charge is angry. As dominants, we must first control ourselves.

Domestic Discipline is meant to strengthen a relationship. It keeps Beauty grounded and gives her structure. Any punishment is given with love and cuddles and forgiveness is given after.

Abuse is abuse, and it is NOT Domestic Discipline. Abuse is not given with love. Abuse doesn’t leave the one who has been beaten feeling forgiven and cherished. Abuse is simply not domestic discipline because it is administered without consent. Abuse goes beyond the limits of any consent if the one punished feels the need to press charges. I support their decision even if consent was given, because going beyond limits is inexcusable.

Domestic Discipline is a loving, structure relationship where the dominant cares for the submissive/wife/husband deeply and meets all their needs both physically and mentally. While the one on the receiving end of the spankings does serve and obey the dominant, it isn’t all about the dominant. I must see to Beauty’s needs first in all I do. She sees to and cares for me and our home while I care for us. It is a give and take relationship built by love and communication.

Those who label domestic discipline as abuse don’t have the facts. The dominant in a power exchange relationship can lose control and become abusive. If this happens then charges are appropriate and should be made, but disciplining in such a severe way is not the norm. The norm is a relationship built on love, trust, nurturing, and support.


About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers.

Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship’s Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.


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