First I want to thank everyone who liked the BDSM and Aftercare post. It really took a great tour around the blogging world. It showed me that yes, Google’s new approach is working to get things out there, but those interested in kink and the importance of safety and knowledge do the job best. So again, thank you all for sending the Aftercare post hopping about.
I have contacted several friends and invited them to write guest posts for this blog on subjects that I either have no experience with, or don’t feel I can speak in a voice that rings true. For those of us who live a kinky lifestyle, what we do, and who we are is part of the fabric woven into our lives. It doesn’t represent us, and it isn’t all there is to us, but it certainly is part of who we are. Along with being trustworthy, intelligent, honest, nurturing, and supportive, I am also bossy, opinionated, outspoken, and demanding. Those are both the good and the bad of me, but there are other things that I am as well that makes me neither good or bad. They are my kinks and my roles in the BDSM life we lead.
I have chosen to take on the title of Mistress. I am dominant. There are no blurred lines there. I am dominant in my love relationship, dominant to those who choose to serve me, and dominant to the core. No, I don’t go about at munches or events with my nose in the air expecting submissives who I don’t know and who aren’t mine to cater to me. I am not their Mistress, so that would be rude and presumptuous. The other main title I have in BDSM is that of being a sadist. Yep, I get pleasure from hurting people, and I have zero issues with this desire. I don’t question myself and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I came to terms with it a long time ago. I don’t fear my dark side. On the contrary, I embrace it. How is that possible? I can love the part of me that enjoys inflicting pain, because I only hurt people who love to be hurt. I am not a sadistic deviant who goes about capturing and hurting innocent people. I hurt those who ask me to hurt them. I give them pleasure, releasing endorphins that give them a high, while at the same time getting a huge dose of having the ultimate control, releasing stress, and receiving an adrenaline rush myself.
I am telling you readers this because I want to speak about why we should be accepting of the kinks that are often misunderstood, spoken negatively about, scary and therefore deserving of scorn because we don’t understand them, or down right disrespected. While being sadistic is a kink that is widely accepted, others are not so fortunate if their BDSM needs must be met with other, less ‘popular’ kinks. As I frequently say, if you aren’t being negatively affected because of someone’s fantasy or kink, leave it alone. You have zero right to be condescending or disrespectful. It may not be your kink, but those who find pleasure in it have a right to feel that way and do what they do.
So exactly what am I talking about here? Who are these people who many see as deviants? Who are those who are misunderstood? The people who practice cross dressing, men who are submissive, those who are Littles, those who engage in Daddy and babygirl relationships, adult babies, those who like golden showers, and yes, even those who find satisfaction in scat. Regardless of whether I find these fetishes either not my cup of tea or downright icky, it doesn’t matter. No one is forcing me to play with poo, and those who do never do it in a public dungeon, so they are not inflicting their kink on me.
Submissive men are misunderstood. Somehow someway, people have gotten the idea in their heads that submissive men are weak. I mean how on earth could a man want to lessen their masculinity by being controlled by a woman. I mean we are supposed to be the weaker sex right? Therefore all submissive men must be sissies, push overs, or in general pussy whipped. Wrong. Many submissive men have no interest in sissy play, and even if they adore wearing women’s lingerie it doesn’t make them weak. I know some pretty masculine submissive men, but even if I didn’t, why do some think it’s okay to disrespect an entire sub group of kinsters?
I have never had a relationship with a Little but I know people who identify as one. They range in mental, take note of the word mental, age of 2 to 9. Being a Little or having a relationship with a Little does not mean you like kink with children. I don’t really understand the whole thing, but I do know these people find their joy in being able to be a kid again in their mind and in their relationships. Simply because I do not understand them does not mean I can disrespect them. There will be a post on this lifestyle role written by someone who does understand, and who in fact lives their private life as a Little in order to help clear up misconceptions.
The same issues that come up with Littles arises with the Daddy Dom and babygirl aspect. Again, I don’t know much about this as it isn’t my thing. What I do know is that Daddy and babygirl relationship does not involve children, and they don’t mean that those who choose the role of Daddy Dom would really prefer to play with little or teenage girls. There are nuances in the relationship, one wants to nurture and the other be taken care of. One likes to be the disciplinarian and one the sometimes bratty kid. I see similarities between other D/s relationships and Daddy Dom and babygirl. Many ‘regular’ D/s relationships are built on nurturing, taking care of, disciplining, supporting, relying upon, being taken care of, etc. too. Again, I say it and say it loudly. Don’t disrespect what you don’t understand.
Men who love women’s clothing, make up and wigs aren’t weak or deserving of disrespect. Transgendered people certainly aren’t either. I personally don’t like pee play or clown play, but hey, as long as it isn’t done in my house then why or why should I be negative about it? Medical play is a kink I haven’t experience with and simply do not really get. I don’t like to go to the doctor, but I am betting those who do like medical play don’t particularly enjoy going to the doctor either. Your doctor is not your play partner so the kink element or the little thing inside that feeds on the fantasy is missing. Masochists don’t like all pain, and sadists don’t like inflicting all pain. I haven’t met a masochist who enjoyed labor and giving birth, or got all wet and excited getting a root canal, but even if they did, so what? As long as they don’t pull their dentist into a kink scene then no harm done.
All this boils down to fear of the unknown, and so I am going to attempt to educate my readers as well as receiving information that is new to me as well. We need to keep an open mind. Those who don’t want to are in a sad state in my book. Life long learning is vital to keep us wise, accepting, and generally humane. Bigotry isn’t okay. Disrespecting something that doesn’t hurt you isn’t okay. Being rude to someone just because they like to wear panties or even diapers isn’t okay, so please come along for the ride as I welcome my guest posters who have agreed to shed light on ‘those’ kinks in an effort to educate others and be better understood.