As One Door Closes
Something happened last Thursday. It was a monumental change in my life that I have been waiting for. I can’t believe the day finally arrived. I mean, it seems like yesterday when I began the journey, but now that time in my life has arrived, I’m a bit stunned. The door has closed on that chapter of my life, never to be gone through again. I couldn’t be happier, even though Beauty had to comfort me when I started sobbing at some ridiculous thing on the TV the evening of the big change. I mean I am happy! Hell yes, but change is hard. I have closed the door on my career of 31 years. It was a big part of me. I’m free to be Jolynn Raymond the Mistress and writer. The chains of my working self have come off, and I have firmly put her into the closet where she will remain with her memories. That woman who left each morning for good or bad can be put away. She took center stage for many years, but it was at a place I will no longer visit.
It’s an odd feeling to have lost one of my identities. That part of me that had to remain on the other side of the chasm from the woman who writes BDSM articles, is a Mistress to my wife, takes control of our service submissives, and enjoys being active in the community. She is now free to teach at kink events and can open new doors.
I didn’t hate my career by any means, but it stifled who I really am. Kink is a mindset, not just an action. It doesn’t define me despite the labels I choose to identify by, but it is one of my great joys. When I did the daily grind in the vanilla world, it meant pushing the Mistress who loves to play, back and locking that door for eight hours a day, and most all of Saturday. My career meant Jolynn Raymond had to be a secret. She and the rest of my personas had to be hidden, and it was confining.
So now Jolynn the lesbian, who was able to leave the closet some time ago, will welcome my other selves. Trust me; they are all adorned in their favorite outfits, and ready to step it out. I can picture them strutting down the stage just like on Ru Paul’s.
First, we have Inaralee. She is rocking a tight black PVC dress and her best wicked smile. She is my mistress self who is known in the community, goes to munches, is head of her kink family, and is ready to do more teaching at events. She was created as my Fetlife persona. If you’re kinky and wondering how to make friends who are like minded, check out Fetlife. Just an FYI though, it is not a great place to pick up a sub or a mistress. It’s more like our Facebook, with loads of groups to learn things and have kinky discussions.
Next, comes Jolynn Raymond the writer. No more hiding for her once the paperwork is all settled on my retirement. Jolynn writes the steamiest kinky books along with historical romances and non-fiction how tutorials, as well as articles on everything BDSM. As a writer, her mind is always churning with dark and dirty thoughts even though she is wearing her nightgown and fuzzy slippers. She may not win the runway show, but her evil and twisted mind would blow you away if you could step inside it.
Next, we have Headmistress Evelyn Payne. She is incredibly strict and demands proper manners. Her hair is pulled back; her glasses accentuate eyes that see everything going on around her. She does BDSM training for submissives who wish to learn proper etiquette, formal service, and protocol. As of yet, she has only been teaching on Niteflirt with just a few exceptions, which is a story in and of itself. She is very ready to take training to the face to face arena. Her heels click as she walks the runway with a no-nonsense stride. White blouse, black pencil skirt, stockings with a sexy seam running up the back, and a ruler in hand.
Kitty is also on Niteflirt. She does role play which is incredibly fun for my Muse. I have been a mistress for a long time, but I still get surprised at the roleplay scenarios. Today I was a teacher who turned into a gnarled and nasty witch who took someone to my cottage in the forest and put him in a cage as I stoked the fire and talked about how delicious he would be. The more unique the fantasy, the more fun I have. There is never a dull moment. Kitty is wearing an outfit that flips and flutters and presto, it’s reversed and transforms me into a new role. You never know what Kitty will be sporting, and neither does she, but the adlib provides much merriment.
Last through the door is just me. Wife, daughter, and grandma. I am open about who I am and what I do, but I do not shove anything in someone’s face. Just because my vanilla self can now add sprinkles and a twist of a more exotic flavor doesn’t mean I have my kinky side strutting around in public. No one at the store or where ever I might go has given consent, so the vanilla me has an important side in my life too. I can be found wearing a summer maxi dress or simply capris, depending on where I am going.
I think of all the me’s; the vanilla side is the happiest about the doors that are now open. I can be so many different women who all have the same heart that loves my wife and my many roles. In the fall when we move to central Florida, we will join the local community, and I am hoping to rent space to do many of my mistress things. This has been a very long time coming. Very. And as the door to my career persona closes, I will let it hit me in the ass on my way out because it will bump me through the other doors that have been open a crack but unable to swing wide.
Watch out world, here I come, in all my kinky glory. And people asked me if I would be bored after I retired. It’s day three, and there hasn’t been a dull moment.