R is for Role – What is a Man’s Role at a CFNM? #SpankA2Z 39 comments

A2Z Spanking Blog Challenge

R is for Role – What Is A Man’s Role at a CNFM Party?

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On occasion I still receive mail from a man who has stumbled across a post about CFNM (clothed female, nude male) I made on Fetlife some time ago. I am well aware that there are MANY men who fantasies about serving at a CFNM party, and that in those fantasies they are made to do all sorts of things that turn them on. It is their fantasy, and they are more than welcome to it. We each have images in our heads that touch the very core of our sexuality and turn up the thermostat inside. The problem that comes with our attempt to live out those fantasies is that the other people in them don’t necessarily act in the way we dreamed about.

The post that I have copied and pasted here is really a rant by me aimed at the random guys who email me from all over the world wanting to serve at a party or basically wanting to pull me into their fantasy, and another rant aimed towards a man who fussed at me and said my CFNM parties were not ‘real’ or ‘true’ CFNMs because the men weren’t completely nude (my guys wore bow ties) and that I didn’t make them masturbate in front of the ladies present.

My way of having a CFNM is not everyone’s way and I would never dictate how another mistress should run one, but the point I am trying to drive home in my posts is that CFNM isn’t about the men serving, it’s about the ladies attending, a or at least it is at my functions. Ranting at the women who actually do have these kind of parties, and being rigid in your beliefs as to what should take place isn’t going to get your fantasy realized. If you wish to serve at a CFNM, then please take note of the following, it will improve your chances of making your dream come true.

Please remember this was written as a rant born of frustration. At times it is hard to harness my sarcasm when faced with things that are so very ridiculous.

I am honestly perplexed by the amount of mail I have received from random men. I may have posted pictures of the guys from my very real CFNM party but that does NOT mean I will invite you to serve at one. I get that it is a dream of many. I get that many of the men here have this as a kink or they wouldn’t be in this CFNM group. I get that you wish you had been in service at my party. What I do not get is all of the men from across the globe who are sending me idiotic mails about coming and serving at my next CFNM.

If I have never met you you will not be invited into my home to serve. (I mean live in person met.)

If you live half way across the world or even in a different state you will not be invited to serve.

If you send me a picture of your cock I will not be more inclined to ask you to serve. I don’t care about your cock. I am a lesbian. I choose my servers on their serving ability.

If you wish to hear stories about the party to jack off to, you won’t be invited of course AND I will not be a source for your wank fodder.

I do not want a cam sub. I have real life submissives.

Okay, bitch rant over. Seriously guys, go out to munches and meet real live women. I can’t speak for all the women here but as stated, if I don’t know you as a friend you are not stepping foot in my home. I doubt many here would. Inviting a strange man into my home does not equal safe and sane.

This post is in no way directed at those who emailed me asking serious questions about getting a CFNM party organized, nor at those who commented on the photos.

The second part of the rant was aimed at the man who insisted masturbation was part of all ‘real’ CFNMs.

Really now? How on earth did I manage to plan and implement my party without your input and the rule book that is floating about somewhere? Oh the shame. And here I thought everyone had a wonderful time. Whatever shall I do? Here’s a tip for you. CFNM is not about what the men want. It’s about serving my guests as I see fit. Formal dinner, games, foot massage, opportunity for the women to use the men as they wished in the dungeon/playroom. All of those things ensured the ladies had a wonderful time.

Masturbation is self gratifying and the party was not about the men, it was about serving my guests who were women. The concept of the CFNM is to have the men serve the WOMEN in whatever way we see fit. The men who served had a wonderful time as well even though none of them masturbated, judging by the requests to serve at my next party.

Had someone wished to have one of the men masturbate after his main service was done it certainly wasn’t forbidden. We have a dungeon space where that would have been allowed. Forgive me if I don’t think ejaculated cum mixes well with dinner. The men went over a list of things they would agree to and those that were a hard limit during their training. They knew they would be played with or do anything on their list of agreed upon activities IF the woman they served wished it. As it happened, none of the guests wished to stop the wonderful foot and hand massages they were receiving to go watch their servant masturbate.

As for the mail from around the world. My point was apparently lost on you. There was zero chance in hell that I would invite a complete stranger into my home to serve at a party. I meet people live and in person in out kink community. You don’t come near my home or my wife unless I truly know and trust you, and I am certain you are safe. As for the men wanting to serve me who live 1000 miles away, how exactly are they going to do that? Online? What on earth is in it for me? One can’t cut my grass, clean my home, give a massage, or wash my car or do any one of the things my service submissives do, if they are across the world. Therefore, it makes no sense to me that they send these emails.

I am a dominant woman, a male slave or servant is one who does as I wish, not one who has me do what he wants to get his kink on. They can’t do a single thing for me online that I have interest in. If my party was not proper in your eyes because it lacked an activity you would hope for in a party you attended then it’s a damn good thing you weren’t there. Please feel free to disregard any invites you receive from me for future parties. Save your wisdom and your divine presence for someone who has a CFNM that meets your standards.

Again, I am not disrespecting someone else’s fantasy, I am saying that this man’s fantasy does not govern how I host a CFNM. This post was put up as an FYI. I have nothing but respect for submissive men, and value the service they give. I have friends who are submissive guys and have service submissives who have a negotiated place in my kink family so that everyone gets their needs met. The thing is, with a CFNM, it’s about service to the ladies. Yes submissive men should have their needs met, but not more so than my guests, and not at a party which is designed to please the ladies.

As always, there is a big difference between reality and fantasy. The kinky porn sites aim to capture the male fantasy of a CFNM. The site caters to the guys so they will visit the site. I know there are CFNM parties that occur at public dungeons, but what happens there does not govern what I do, just as what I do doesn’t govern how they run their parties. I also know that these parties can be few and far between other activities that take place in public dungeon spaces. People must separate fantasy from reality, at least if they are serious about moving their fantasy into a real life situation.

Take heed, because the women who organize and run CFNMs are in charge. That means we decide what takes place, especially in a private home setting. Manners, a will to serve, and the ability to follow directions will get you much further than insisting on activities that you read about on a kinky porn site.

Hop on over to the rest of the Spankers to see what they are up to.

This was from the Spanking A to Z Challenge 2014. The Spanking Romance site lost quite a few posts when the site went down, so I am linking to the main site. 


About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly's Top 100 Sex Bloggers. Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship's Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.

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