Fetishes, Kinks, and Desires, Oh My!
What do all those fetish terms mean and do people really do that? Oh yes, yes they do, and they have a lot of fun. Whether it’s an activity, a relationship role, a toy, or something that feeds the pleasure center of their brains and fulfills a fantasy, people do all sorts of things to capture that feeling that makes their body come alive. Some may seem very strange, some may make you cringe, some make you feel disgusted, but to someone else it spells out pleasure. In the kink community, we try not to judge. Just because your fetish makes me squeamish or makes me say “No way would I do that!”, as long as all who participate do it with consent and are of legal age, then it isn’t my right to bash it. We are unique, and so are our fetishes and fantasies. Some parts of these definitions were taken from the book The Dictionary of Scene-Friendly Terms compiled by Jack Rinella. Some of the terms or abbreviations used are done so assuming you have read my post on BDSM roles or events.
Disclaimer: Please do not try any new sexual practices or fetishes, without the guidance of an individual experienced in BDSM. The author of this post will not be responsible for any loss, harm, injury or death resulting from the use of the information contained within. All BDSM activities should be carried out by two consenting adults in a safe, sane, and well educated manner.
Anal/Ass Play – Activity that involves play with a partners ass or anus. This can be done with an implement for spanking, a toy for insertion, a finger, fist, tongue, or cock for playing or fucking. One can wear a butt plug which is an insertable that is wider at the tip then narrows at the base, so the muscles of the rectum hold it in. Ass play is any erotic play involving the ass or anal area. Anything used for insertion should be clean, should be used with plenty of lubrication, and should have some kind of base, so it doesn’t get lost up there! I enjoy anal play. To me it is a very primal act of submission on the part of the receiving partner.
Age Play – Role playing the persona of someone substantially younger or older. Note: *** This does not mean someone who is actually under age.***
Bondage – A fetish that uses various forms of restraint. This can be rope, leather, or chains. many tops restrain their bottoms during play. Bondage restricts their movements and elicits sexual or pleasurable sensations. My wife wears wrist and ankle cuffs when we play. I love seeing rope play but am somewhat rope impaired. There is much to learn in order to do bondage safely. You must be careful not to cut off circulation or air.
Breast Torture – This is a type of play involving pain applied to the breasts and nipples. This can be done with nipple clamps of many kinds, breast bondage which involves using rope or a wooden press to squeeze or bind the breasts, flogging, slapping, whipping the breasts, needles. Applying stimulation in the form of pain. THERE ARE SAFETY ISSUES HERE!! Learn how to do this safely before practicing this kind of play.
CBT – Cock and ball torture. Sadism concerned with giving painful or erotic sensation to the male genitals. I have seen this done with clothespin, clamps, needles, weights, cock cages, binding, trampling, knives, floggers. Needless to say, you must learn before you do any of these things to avoid any serious or permanent damage.
Cross Dressing – One who enjoys dressing in the role of the opposite sex. Many men enjoy wearing feminine clothing or being ‘forced’ to wear sissy clothes, panties, bras, or outfits. One of my guy submissives enjoys wearing women’s panties under his pants when he comes to serve and sometimes in his day to day life.
Cunt/Pussy Torture – Fetish that involves giving strong sensation to the female genitals. I enjoy spanking, slapping, paddling, or flogging my wife’s pussy and clit. Some enjoy whipping, needles, weights. Again, this is not something you should just do, and not all women enjoy this.
Cutting – The act of making cuts upon the skin for enjoyment. These cuts are superficial. It is done only by someone who is highly trained in this techniques and uses only sterile equipment. Often times the cuts are done in an artistic pattern. Did I mention the importance of being highly skilled? If my wife desired an artistic cutting, I would never attempt to do it myself because I am not skilled. I would find someone I trust who is.
Edge Play – Any fetish that borders on danger such as breath or knife play. Do not attempt anything you have not completely learned how to do. I do not participate in breath play and do not think it can be done absolutely safely. Others will argue that it can. I would never take the chance.
Electrical Play – Play the derives sensations from the use of or applying electrical stimulation. There are many toys out now such as violet or neon wands. They are not cheap. I love to receive this kind of sensation. YOU MUST LEARN HOW BEFORE DOING THIS. Electrical play can be dangerous if you haven’t learned from someone. I do not suggest just reading about this fetish instead of learning first hand.
Exhibitionism – Erotic pleasure from displaying yourself erotically in public or to others. This is illegal if done to those who have not given consent.
Fisting – The act of inserting one’s fist into the vagina or anus. Insertion should be done slowly with a lot of lubrication. Trim your nails and make certain your hands are clean. Prep your partner by inserting fingers one at a time and slowly working up. Watch a video on how to begin and then close into a fist safely. Use LOTS of lube and have CLEAN hands!
Figging – This is using fresh peeled ginger root to stimulate the genitals or for insertion. There are many articles about how to do this properly. I enjoy rubbing the ginger root on my partners clit to get a burn going and then inserting it into her ass. The ginger makes some people more sensitive to all touch or impact when inserted in the anus. ALWAYS WASH YOUR HANDS after inserting the root. If you accidentally touch your eyes or insert your fingers into your partner without washing your hands, you will be sorry. I enjoy using this when doing Victorian role play as it is said that the practice began then as a kind of punishment.
Foot Fetish or Worship – The act of receiving erotic or sexual stimulation from looking, touching, kissing, massaging, the feet or shoes. I very much enjoy receiving foot rubs.
Flogging – The act of using a flogger to strike your partner for erotic or sexual stimulation. A flogger is an implement that is made up of strip of leather or other material. They are bound to a handle. Floggers can be stinging or thuddy. They can be very soft leather or made from rope or stiff materials. One can flog the back (NOT THE KIDNEY AREA) the breasts, the ass, or the genitals. This is an act that requires skill. You must practice, so you have good control and aim. The practice of wrapping is when your aim is poor and the ends of the flogger wrap around the neck or hips. Wrapping is a bad thing. Many people love being flogged, but they will walk away quickly if you don’t know what you are doing or have poor aim.
Golden Shower or Water Sports – This is urinating on a partner, in their mouth, in their face, or on their body. I don’t know the ins and outs of this fetish as it is not my thing.
Head Games – Domination where the focus is on the mind or is primarily mental instead of physical such a humiliation. Some practice nonconsensual head games or psychological manipulation to make a person respond in a certain way for their own purpose. This is not okay. BDSM play is for both persons who are playing. Non Consensual mind games really piss me off.
Hot Wax – This is the use of melted wax for sensation play. CAUTION!!! Not all candles or wax should be used. Read up on this to be safe. Severe burns can result from playing with hot wax when you don’t know what you are doing. Done right or in conjunction with ice cubes or popsicles, this can be loads of fun, but it is messy.
Humiliation – A type of SM play where humiliating your partner is the goal. You must be careful that this is used with consent and is based on fantasy and not taken by the humiliated partner as sincere. I don’t use humiliation. I’m just not into it. I enjoy boosting the psyche of my partner and making them feel good in a positive way. I am not bashing humiliation. I just am not into it. I honestly don’t think I’d do it well, and therefore it would not be received in a proper manner.
Impact Play – Any number of activities involving striking your partner. Implements can be just about anything from floggers to paddles, to hairbrushes, slippers, kitchen implements, or your hand.
Infantilism or Adult Baby – Erotic pleasure derived from things having to do with being an infant or baby. Many enjoy diapers, being changed, being cuddled or being dressed like a baby. This is adults playing with adults.
Mummification – A special kind of bondage where the body is wrapped in a fashion similar to an Egyptian mummy. Often times areas are left exposed such as genitals, for erotic play. I have seen this done with saran wrap, gauze, or spandex.
Needle Play – I don’t know enough about using needles. They make me squeamish. I have seen many beautiful patterns done on the flesh of a person using needles. Needle can be used anywhere including the genitals. The needles must be sterile, and you must learn how to do this safely.
OTK or Over The Knee – This is a way of positioning your partner for a spanking or punishment. Many enjoy this tradition position or being over their dominants lap. It can be intimate and somewhat humiliating at the same time.
Pain Slut – A person/masochist who derives sexual stimulation or erotic pleasure from receiving physical pain. My play partner is a huge pain slut.
Pony Play – The fanciful transformation of a person into a ‘pony’ to be ridden, pull a carriage or perform like a well trained horse. I know one man who loves this and has an elaborate and wonderful pony outfit that includes the use of crutches to extend his arms so he can ‘walk’ like a horse on his hands and feet. He can be ridden using a saddle, or he can pull a cart. Not my thing, but his whole persona and costume is very cool.
Punishment – Any negative reinforcement given by a Master to correct a bad behavior in a slave or submissive. This should not be confused with Funishment. Punishment is a real negative consequence that the submissive does not enjoy. My wife gets punished with spanking with the hairbrush, speech restriction, or corner time. This shouldn’t be confused with FUNISHMENT which is the role play act or pretend punishment where both parties receive pleasure from the spanking or act of correction.
Queening – The act of face sitting upon your submissive or slave for receiving oral pleasure from them. Many male submissives desire to be be smothered or sat upon to be forced to service their Mistress or ‘Queen’. There are chairs made for this where the Mistress sits in comfort and the submissive lies under her with his/her head/mouth directly under their Domina’s pussy in perfect position to be licked for however long the Mistress wishes.
Rimming – The act of using your tongue on your partners anus. Can be inserting or just licking around the rim or edge of the anus.
Role Play – This is acting out a fantasy or scene during BDSM play. I enjoy Victorian play complete with costumes, canes, figging, and a tawse. Others enjoy naughty schoolgirl, military or interrogation, or medical play. This is doing scenes that use props, outfits, speech, and implements from the fantasy to act it out.
St. Andrews Cross – An upright X or cross shaped piece of furniture to which a person is bound for flogging or other play. We have one in our play room.
Scat – Play involving feces. Not my thing and I don’t allow this messy play in my dungeon. I don’t allow water sports either because of the mess.
Sensual Play – Erotic or sexual play that focuses on stimulating the senses without pain. My wife is not a huge pain lover so I do more sensual play with her. A good example of a sensual play scene is written in my book Dark Obsessions available on Amazon. I use touch, light flogging, electric stimulation, sharp and pointy things like my steel claws or the Wartenberg Wheel, wax, ice, food, massage. All things that stimulate.
Service Submission – The act of receiving pleasure from doing service (not sexual) for a dominant. I have male service submissives who do chores around the house and yard or serve at play parties and CFNM parties.
Sissification – A practice desired by a male sub. He is ‘forced’ to become feminine with clothing, cross dressing, or actions.
Spanking Bench – A piece of play equipment where one can bind a partner for a spanking session. I prefer my partner to be comfortable. Our bench is padded and has rings for binding. My partner kneels on the lower half and lays on the upper. We have one of these.
Tit Clamps, nipple Clamps, or Clover Clips – These are all different types of clips and clamps used on the nipple and sometimes on the labia. Women vary in the type of nipple pain they enjoy. Clover clamps are wicked and produce a high level of pain. Clothes pins can also be used. Safety is important. You shouldn’t use these for extended periods and be mindful of the fact that there is a big increase in pain when you remove them and the blood returns to the nipples.
Voyeurism – The act of receiving erotic stimulation from watching others have sex or playing. Watching someone undress or peeping without consent is not considered legal. A lot of women offer webcam sites where the voyeur can watch them masturbate, dance, undress, etc.
There are so many more fetishes that you can look up. I can list some, but the extent of the list is almost endless. Gang bang, slapping, hair pulling, rape play, chastity, caging, pantyhose, deep throat, etc., etc., etc. Fetlife.com has a huge list of fetishes and we make up our own as well when we find something we enjoy such as “Mind Blowing Hitachi Orgasms”.
If you are into it, there is a huge chance others are too. Read, learn, watch, have fun, but be safe and always play with consent. Tops/dominant always remember that you are in charge of taking care of your submissive physically and mentally. And submissives/bottoms/slaves, choose your partners wisely.