Merry, as in Christmas
Merry grumbled as she got out of the sleigh on the roof of yet another upscale condominium, tugged at the hem of her cherry red liquid latex dress, and walked to the chimney, resigned to the fact it was going to be a long night. She’d drawn the short straw at the family gathering this year and won the oh so joyous job of taking care of all the naughty adults on her great Grandfather Christmas’ list. While it was true she wasn’t one who hated to dole out discipline when it was needed, the whining many of the ill mannered, obnoxious, and wealthy grown ups who scored a spot upon it did, was truly annoying. Most deserved to be there in spades and yet had serious issues taking responsibility for their bad choices.
Giving the very short and sexy dress one more tug, Merry did as the poem said and put a finger aside her nose and gave a nod. She was instantly transformed into a thousand sparkling lights that drifted down the chimney and into the living room below. The reverse process took only seconds once her feet touched solid ground. She looked about at her surroundings to get oriented, and spied a plate of cheese and crackers and a glass of red wine next to a note on the end table. Now that was different.
Merry walked slowly, a genuine smile lighting her features for the first time that night, at the sight of the wine and cheese. She sat down on the sofa and crossed her legs, making her latex dress rise up again, but this time she didn’t bother to tug it down. She was too interested in reading the note that had been left with the unusual goodies. Besides, a girl had to look good, and Merry knew her legs looked killer.
“Let’s see what you have to say for yourself.” She picked up the wine and began to read the note.
I’ve been ever so bad this year. I speed like a demon on crack, spend money without giving a dime to charity, gossip behind my friend and co worker’s backs, and am in general a mean person. That’s not everything though Santa, this year I did something even worse, this year I drove home after drinking too much at the holiday party and smashed into a car parked on the side of the road. I didn’t mean it Santa, and I know I could have easily paid to have the other car fixed, but I just left because I didn’t want to get in trouble.
I’m a very bad girl, so please hand over the coal. Maybe it will remind me to do better every time I see it.
“Well, aren’t you the selfish bitch Miss Rebecca? I think you’re going to be surprised by the fact that only kids get coal. I have something else for you though. Don’t you worry a bit.”
Merry drank the rest of the wine and nibbled on the cheese before setting out in search of the woman who’d written the note. Despite her bad behavior, Rebecca had gone to all the trouble to leave a nice grown up snack and who was she to be unappreciative? Merry closed her eyes for a moment only to feel something soft brush the underside of her knee right above her black boots. Startled, she opened her eyes to find a beautiful long haired cat dancing back and forth looking for some love.
“Well hello gorgeous. Just look at you. That tail tickles. Is this what you want?” Merry scratched the cat’s ears and then down its back to the base of its tail, and was rewarded with a loud purr. “Is that the spot? I think it is. How…?”
“Who the hell are you?”
Unfazed, Merry turned to peer at the owner of the angry voice, knowing it must be Rebecca, she of the drunk driving incident. She rose slowly and turned, hands on her hips, scold on the tip of her tongue, but Rebecca held up a dismissing hand to cut her off, as she looked Merry over. Taking in the short red dress trimmed in white feathers, the black leather knee boots, and wide black leather belt, Rebecca’s look changed from one of pure ire to one of confusion.
“Let’s try this again. Who the hell are you?”
“As in Christmas?”
“No, as in had a little lamb. Of course as in Christmas.”
“What are you doing in my house and how did you get in?”
“I’m here to dole out the naughty goods, and by magic of course.”
“Look Rebecca, perhaps you’re not the brightest bulb on the tree but it was obvious you were expecting someone. Thanks for the wine by the way.”
“I was expecting Santa.”
“Great Grandfather Christmas doesn’t do the bad adults.”
“What about the coal?”
Merry rolled her eyes. Why was it none of them could believe her grandpa wouldn’t have time to deal with all the crap the grown ups of the world got up to all year long? “The coal is for the bad kids. Adults get something else.”
Rebecca saw the twinkle of evil delight shine in Merry’s eyes and felt suddenly uneasy. ”W.. What do the grown ups get?”
“It’s really easier to show you. We need to be getting on with it anyway. I don’t have all night. Well, I do, but I don’t have all night here. Go to the mantle and turn around, hands gripping the edge.”
Merry sighed. Despite the wine, Miss Rebecca was proving to be a time consuming pain in the ass. “Go to the mantle, bend forward with your hands on the edge, and don’t move. You aren’t getting a lump of coal; you’re getting an old fashioned whipping.” Merry counted to three slowly, waiting, one… two… three. Here is came.”
“WHAT!?! You can’t be serious. You can’t put your hands on me. Why if you even try I’ll…” The rest of Rebecca’s words were cut off as a long ribbon from a package wrapped itself around Rebecca’s head, gagging her and silencing her cries of outrage. Then, much to her horror, Merry did the finger aside her nose thing and she felt herself being propelled to the mantle, hands coming up into place of their own volition, and her feet sticking like they were glue down in the spot Merry had indicated.
The one thing Rebecca could still move was her head, and she whipped it around, eyes wide in fright as she felt her nightshirt ride up over her bare bottom and saw Merry slide a wicked looking crop from the side of one boot. Rebecca’s head thrashing turned to rapid shakes of denial, but Merry paid no mind. As the poem said, she got straight to her work. She struck Rebecca’s bottom repeatedly, leaving welts as red as Rudolph’s nose across the once creamy cheeks, and then took the crop to the crease where Rebecca’s thighs and bottom met.
All of the whipping was endured with muffled protests and giant tears as Merry lectured Rebecca on not just the car accident, but on being a pretty rotten person in general. Before she was done, Merry removed her wide leather belt and finished the job with five lashes, warning Rebecca that they’d be watching her far more closely now that she’s landed on the naughty list once.
Finally convinced that Rebecca had learned her lesson, Merry gave a wave of her hand, causing the ribbon gag and holding power to disappear. Rebecca slumped against the mantle and brought shaky hands up to swipe at her tears as she sniffed, and rubbed her eyes like a little child. She finally had the nerve to turn around and face Merry, but when she did, the only one staring at her was her cat Abbey. The mysterious and very wicked Merry had gone, leaving her alone with her whispered vow to do better next year.
A peal of gleeful laughter rang out from above accompanied by the scrape of Merry’s sleigh on the roof top as she set her sights on the next naughty adult on her list. So many people doing so many unkind things to each other. It was a wonder her Great Grandfather Christmas hadn’t given up on the lot of them years ago. If humanity only knew the calming and gentle influence her sweet grandpa had on Fate, they would all try to be a little bit better for him. Unfortunately, that was not to be. It was going to be a long night.