Embracing My Curves, Clothing Optional #Naked 10 comments

Jolynn in her latex dress by the cross

Embracing My Curves, Clothing Optional


So the plan was to write about our experiences at Madtown a few weeks ago, but time and other things got in the way of that. I still plan to refer to our time spent in Madison, but wanted to write this post for today because we larger gals need to know that loving our curves is okay.

The first class we went to on our second day at Madtown is what I’m going to tell you about. It was on rope suspension, and called Fat Bottom Girls: A Guide to Being a Queen Size Rope Slut. It addressed the fact that big girls and many rope tops, think heavy gals can’t fly (aka be suspended). The instructor, Lucy the Slut, proved that this isn’t true and talked about our size fears getting in the way of what we want to do. On Fetlife when you see the fantastic photos of intricate rope play and bodies woven together in beautiful poses, they always feature lithe, slim gals, but big gals can fly too. Kink and dungeon play is not just for the perfect, and really, most of us are not toned and the ‘ideal’ body weight.

I actually don’t do too much with rope. I tend to be rope impaired. I didn’t go to this class just to learn rope skills, I went because of the audience this class was targeted to. Most of us at the class had ample curves or had a partner that had ample curves. The demo gal fell into that category, and said she had never been suspended, but by the end of the class, she was flying and loving it. She had been given confidence and wings. Lucy the Slut showed us that with the proper rope job, anyone can have the experience of floating, and it really didn’t involve much more or incorporate things that were different than a regular suspension scene.

The misconception that we big gals can’t do things because of our size holds us back from negotiating a scene or having an experience that could be really fantastic. We worry about how our bellies and breasts flop when we undress. We think about how our ample behinds would look if bent over a spanking bench or bound to a cross. No matter what kind of kink it is we want to engage in, be it from the top or the bottom side, we worry about what people will think when our clothes come off, and that isn’t how it should be.

I’m here to tell you gals that it’s time to embrace your curves. I know it isn’t easy. It took some convincing from my wife to go ahead and post the picture of me in that PVC dress. I usually go for a corset and skirt because that whittles down my waist, hoists up my boobs, and hides my butt, but in the end I did it because I wanted to try a new look. Anyone who looks at me and thinks I’m fat or thinks I shouldn’t trot about in an outfit that makes me feel sexy isn’t welcome on my kinky train. I look hot in that dress even though you can see I have a belly and ample ass. If your sensibilities are somehow offended by looking at me, you can leap off the fun and fabulous train that is my life. I won’t even kick you in the ass on your way off because you have the right to your opinion. What you don’t have the right to do is share it with me, so it’s best to send you along before you feel the need to open your mouth. (This little point is aimed at those who feel the need to make rude statements online aimed at curvy gals, comment on a picture, or make snide comments in public.)

All the porno movies have skinny little girls with enhanced boobs that don’t jiggle as much as my arm flab. They don’t have bellies, and neither do the guys who are spanking or fucking them. It doesn’t matter. That is just fantasy. The thing is, even though we are quick to say that BDSM porn has it all wrong as far as their actions, we don’t talk about how nobody really looks like that in the dungeon, well almost nobody. I love voluptuous gals. In days of old, we were the ones the master painters chose as models, and that’s because we are beautiful. I love my wife’s body. It’s soft and feminine and has a fabulous squeeze factor. I know all of this, WE now all of this, but we still keep mum about the size of the porn stars, models, and entertainers in general. Society has brainwashed those with curves into thinking our bodies are unattractive.

I say screw that people, my body may not match our current society’s image of beautiful, but I refuse to be ashamed. Oh, I do the whole ‘I look fat in this’ critique. I can’t sit here and tell you I don’t, but more and more often I am doing my best to accept all of me. The confident Domme who loves to play, establish control in my household and my relationships, the me who is called ‘My Queen’ by my play partner, the woman who dominates with flare, is the same woman who sometimes looks at herself and feels all sorts of insecurities. That needs to stop.

In the public dungeons and in our home, when friends come over for play parties, I am in my element and I feel strong. If I strip down now days to bra and panties because I’m hot while playing, I don’t worry about who sees me and if they are judging my flab. If you go into a public dungeon, you are going to see big bellies, big boobs, flabby wide asses, and lots of sagging naked flesh on both the men and the women. You will see them playing and you see them engaged in tender aftercare despite their body size. Their bodies are what many in society consider to be gross. Guess what, a lot of us don’t care, at least not in that element.

Kinky people are pretty laid back when it comes to getting naked, as long as they have a partner or are in a loving relationship, and that is how it should be. I mean really, you can’t very well do a complete flogging scene or paddle that naughty sub’s ass on the spanking bench when they are wearing clothes. We strip down to enjoy our recreational sport and for at least that little bit of time, we can let the bad body image go. That people, is freaking fabulous. The unfortunate thing is that when we dress again and venture back into the vanilla world, the insecurities come back. How can they not? Our world is full of negativity when it comes to size.

So this is my pledge to myself and those gals (and guys) out there who cringe when they look in the mirror or skip doing a scene they would love to try because of their size. I am going to embrace my curves. From my flabby arms to my triple D going on F breasts, to my stomach where all the belly fat, stress and love of chocolate has provided, to my bottom which is ample, and my thighs that rub together, I am going to promise or at least try ever so hard, to love me.

The inside is fierce, wicked, evil, loving, loyal, wise, and proud of who I am. Damn it, the outside which carries the marks of a middle age woman in the thick of menopause who has had a life full of challenges and victories, needs to be proud too. This is not an easy battle, but it is one I am determined to fight. Diet and exercise are healthy and yes, I do my best to eat right and ride my exercise bike, but I do that for my health, not because I hate my body and want desperately to change it.

Say it with me people. “This is me. I am special, fabulous, and unique. I love all of me, and you should too.” All of us are special and have something important inside that adds a light to the lives of those who love us. You can be anything on the outside, and look however you look, and I will still love you if your inside shines. I am going to love you and I’m going to love me. If you don’t. If you want to judge me by my body and not my intelligence and personality, then you’re probably a shallow person who I don’t wish to have in my circle of friends anyway. Goodbye to you, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.




About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly's Top 100 Sex Bloggers. Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship's Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.

10 thoughts on “Embracing My Curves, Clothing Optional #Naked

  • McKenna Vaughan

    First of all you’re beyond BEAUTIFUL!!! Believe it or not ,you are a great inspiration…Thank you so much for reinforcing gals like me to love ourselves….inside and out! I still haven’t broken out of my shell yet…but its cracking…:-)

  • genuinesubgirl

    “This is me. I am special, fabulous, and unique. I love all of me, and you should too.”!!

    Yours is the third post I’ve seen about this topic this week (including my own!). Either this is the very, very, very common problem we all know it is or the pond has small ripples this week!

    Thanks for posting this, Jolynn. I know that I look better than I have at any time in my life (and I’m pushing 52 really hard!), I’m even more tone than I was last year at 10 pounds lighter, but I am still hyper-self-critical and self-conscious!

    PS I just finished reading “Taken in Hand.” Brava and thank you! I’ll be writing a book report soon (something my Master likes me to do) – but I just finished it late Thursday night, so don’t have my thoughts together yet!

  • Jolynn Raymond

    Thank you! You are absolutely right. This is me. All of me. My outside does not dictate my inside, and since my outside is fabulous as well, it wouldn’t matter.

  • spankfunfor

    I hope you don’t mind if I gaze at your Beautiful Curves while I read about your wonderful mind?

    • Jolynn Raymond

      No, I don’t mind at all because if I didn’t wish for people to make remarks, I should have refrained from the photo! I appreciate that you appreciate my mind and my curves. Thank you.

  • Joelle Casteel

    I totally love this, Jolynn. I’m certainly not the biggest girl- at 4’11” and some 150 or so pounds, but yeah, the mainstream porn, even more mainstream fetish porn, doesn’t show me- my Master either for that matter. I once told Him to go look at bear porn- my preference- explaining to Him that He’d see bodies like His own there. I went on my first diet at age 6- recovering anorexic mainly in that I know my body image isn’t healthy and not having an unacceptably low weight currently. I’ll have to share this link- I have a snippet for next week’s Taboo Tuesday to tease at a short I’m sharing the next Monday on my blog- where I “violate” the trope of perfect bodies in BDSM erotic romance. My Gaelan is a bear, happily beloved by The Queen and his direct dom Raanan, even with a belly roll 😀

    • Jolynn Raymond

      We have always been able to count on you for the unconventional and that is really important. I’m so glad you were able to convey your attraction to your Master in those terms. Really, most of the guys I know into BDSM and those in the dungeons have what society thinks of as flaws. Our logic as a whole is ass backwards. I love that your characters are made all the more real by their bodies. Thanks Joelle

  • Megan Michaels

    That was awesome! Thank you for posting this. I am also in the middle of menopause and struggle with the same feeling women struggle with in terms of our body and identity and feeling they are completely connected. I have been on both spectrums in terms of weight. I was skinny, unhealthy, and very anorexic for years. Now, that I have overcome that, I still struggle with weight. Your words encouraged me and revived confidence. As women we need to be reminded — my body is not my spirit or who I am. BTW you look absolutely amazing. Again thank you for posting this and encouraging women.

    • Jolynn Raymond

      You are very welcome Megan. It’s a shame that we place so much of our worth on our looks and how we think other’s perceive us. I can’t name one friend who is dear to me because of the way they look. granted when you are seeking a mate you have an initial attraction, but that attraction must be combined with how your heats mesh or the relationship won’t get off the ground. Thank you for the awesome comment.

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