We Are Ethical ~ BDSM and Domestic Discipline Archive 2 comments


Originally posted January 26, 2013

If you came for the books and are disturbed by BDSM, by all means, skip this post!

I thought a bit about this blog post before deciding to go ahead and do it. It’s not that I am ashamed in any way shape or form about my sexuality and kinky lifestyle, it’s because as a rule, I don’t think its okay to shove BDSM down the throat of those who would feel offended by it. That said, my involvement in BDSM isn’t exactly hidden on here, so I decided to choose the road that might lead to a better understanding of who we are.

That popular book, you know the one, has a lot of misconceptions. For one, there isn’t a huge percentage of us who come from dark or abusive backgrounds or have hidden traumas, at least not more than the regular population. We aren’t immoral, cruel, mentally imbalanced, or bad people. Again, at least not more than the rest of the population. Kinky doesn’t equal sexually loose. Much of our play doesn’t even involve sex, though it can feel almost as good. It’s our recreation and we play with those who give CONSENT. There is a lot of talking before a play scene, check ins during it, and care after. We are huge on communication. Most people know those they play with very well. Even though some of the stuff we do looks really bad, we do everything we can to do it safely, and those who do it, on both sides of the whip, the humiliation, the flogger, the rope, the whatever, want to do it.

It isn’t all about the dominant. It’s not a me, me, me, power trip. My pleasure is actually secondary. I don’t give pain just because I get off on it, and yes, I do get off on it. The endorphins released when some people experience pain gives them a huge rush and gives them this euphoric high. My wife gets to let go, to have someone else take charge, to be free of thought and just feel, to go to that special floaty place. I have to stay grounded to ensure her safety before, during, and after we play. She comes first, in play, and in our relationship. I want people to know that. Yes we play hard, but it’s wanted and it’s consensual, and I take my role as the dominant in our relationship very seriously, that’s why I wanted to post my this. I want people to know that yes, I am a good person, and yes, me, this lady who is a Mistress, a sadist, a dominant, and kinky, does indeed have morals as well. I may be twisted, but I am also protective and loving, committed, and moral. My Beauty serves me. She is a homemaker and waits on me, but that’s our dynamic. She isn’t oppressed. She came into this eyes wide open. She chose this life with me. She takes care of me and I take care of us. We are regular people we just play different, and have a different relationship dynamic than many others.

So here is a list of what I am, and what I am not in my life, my kink, my relationship.

I am / I am not

  • monogamous / sexually promiscuous
  • protective / cruel
  • strong / unbalanced
  • loving / cold
  • creative / selfish
  • committed / disturbed
  • kind / a person who uses others
  • well balanced / all about me
  • In Charge / immoral
  • loyal / dangerous
  • honest / dishonest
  • sadistic / abusive
  • kinky / egotistical
  • dominant / reckless
  • take charge / weak
  • lesbian / a hater of men
  • accepting / judgmental
  • nurturing / destructive

 


About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers.

Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship’s Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.


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