Things I Need From You as My Submissive 17 comments


This is a wonderful post. It is reposted with permission by:

Author: Dr Dexter — [email protected] Source:

Things I Need From you as My Submissive

I need you to feel safe. I need you to let go of your wants and desires, and know that I will to do what is best for you, when you give up control.

I need your trust. I don’t expect you to give it blindly – I expect to earn it. But without trust, you cannot surrender. Without surrender, you cannot grow.

I need you to feel secure. I need you to know that I’m not going to break your self-image without making sure that I build it back up stronger than before.

I need you to accept comfort. Sometimes you may crumble. I will be there to pick up the pieces, and to pet you as we continue on.

I need you to tell me about your weaknesses or brokenness. If you have triggers or fears, I need to know about them, to avoid them, or help you dispose of them.

I need your honesty. As our relationship grows, I need to know where your mind is going.

I need you to expect consistency. You are going to get the same reactions, expectations, and boundaries today that you got yesterday, or a year before.

I need you to accept gentleness. Sometimes I’m a sadist, and I do that quite well, but at the end of the day it is often more important to me to cover you in tender kisses, or run my hands gently across your soft skin.

I need you to relinquish control. I need you to give it up willingly, and to allow me to coax it away from you when you can’t. Giving up control is a voluntary choice: Ultimately, you will either make that choice, or you won’t.

I need you to accept praise. In order to accept praise, you must first accept that you are worthy of receiving it. It is my job to provide praise when you deserve it. It is your job to to believe it.

I need you to accept complements. If your self-image causes you to argue and evade when I tell you that you are beautiful, then you are simply negating the statements of someone who likes you enough to find you so, so that you can wallow in the fact that no one is found beautiful by everyone.

I need you to let go of your inhibitions. They are holding you back from understanding your true self, and holding you back from your submission. It’s time to embrace sex as the dirty, sweaty, sticky thing that it is.  I can lead you to freedom and experiences you’ve never imagined …but I can’t carry you there kicking and screaming.

I need you to need to learn and grow. Education, learning, and the ability to think clearly are very important to me. Learning never stops. If you don’t believe this, we’re not going to get along for long.

I need you to  accept being challenged. I do not expect to have a relationship with a passive person, I expect to have a relationship with a strong assertive person. I need you to stand toe to toe with me, because I expect you to be stronger after you interact with me, than before you met me.

I need you to surrender. Though I will lead you, I will never force you. I need you to come along willingly… or not go at all.

Many thanks to Dr. Dexter for permission to repost.

You can find him on Fetlife at

About JolynnRaymond

Writer of historical paranormal romance, kinky historical romance, and BDSM Mistress and Sex Blogger. I hold the position of being one of Kinkly's Top 100 Sex Bloggers. Two of my books, Taken in Hand A Guide to Domestic Discipline and His Lordship's Wayward Wife, have been nominated as best BDSM Non Fiction and Best BDSM Historical books of the year. The awards ceremony will take place at the BDSM Writers Con in New York City this August.

17 thoughts on “Things I Need From You as My Submissive

    • Jolynn Raymond

      I always joke at work that I failed mind reading 101 in college, but really it fits everything because we must be open about our needs and how we feel we can best suit our partner as well. Thank you

    • Jolynn Raymond

      I get very wrapped up in how I can best take care of Beauty and make things right for her like I vowed to always do when I collared her. We are human and we don’t (dominants) communicate as well as we need to sometimes. Glad you liked it.

      • daddyslittlehmongslut

        I did 🙂 Daddy’s the same way. It’s always so hard for me to get anything out of Him sometimes He focus’ so much on us that He usually doesn’t even let us think about how He’s doing

  • one2please

    thank You for reposting this it has incredible content.. I could not read all of it entirely because it brought me to tears. i know we as submissives want to have someone state this exactly like this. there are very few I believe that actually hear this from their owner. especially the consistency thing. this was such a beautiful post and it would be so much easier if a submissive could sometimes read a Dominant’s mind. not to be a downer but is this something that always should be said at the beginning of an agreement or bond?

    • Jolynn Raymond

      I think that it’s something that needs to be communicated but it isn’t so easily said. Dr. Dexter has summed up so well what everyone wished they could easily say. I often find it’s much easier to put what I want to say in writing, but that’s just me. I wish I could just say here, read this sometimes but that isn’t what expected. We must explore you and all your intricacies just as you must get to know all our ins and out. Not everyone is so open, but in that regard I say yes, open communication is something that should definitely be included right from the start. Thanks for your comment. Hope to see you soon.

  • Amy Pinkrose

    Oh these words are so true. Surrendering leads to freedom in so many ways. Thank you for posting this on Dr. Dexter’s behalf. I really enjoyed this! xx, Amy

      • Amy Pinkrose

        You are welcome. I also pushed your follow button. Regardless of who we are, we all can benefit from these words of wisdom. Thank you again! Love, Amy

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