We’ve Got Friends in Low Places
On Sept. 23rd of 2017, I will be officially retired from 30 years in my career or ‘regular’ job, and will become a writer and kink educator full time. I counted the days, really I did. I brought up the calendar and sat like a kid counting the days left before Christmas, because my retirement will be like Christmas, a birthday, summer vacation, and spring break rolled up into a spectacular day to celebrate. It isn’t that I hate my job, I just am ready to be done after 30 years. It’s time to move onto other interests and write full time, so 09/23/2017 is D-day.
Along with my retirement will come a move to another state with a milder climate. Wisconsin gets way to cold, and frankly Beauty and I have had enough of the snow. We’ve also had enough of the city. We live in a nice neighborhood, but I want land. A place in the country or woods, a place I can enjoy the peace and quiet, a place surrounded by nothing and no one, aside from animals and my close kink family, a place where I can see a million stars when I look into the night sky, and most importantly, a place with friends in low places.
When I say low places, I do not mean down and dirty. I am referring to a part of South Carolina that is called the ‘Low Country.’ It was a part of the state where we traveled and looked at property, and most of all, where we sought out other kinky people. Those people are the friends. That is the main topic of this post. The fact that when you are part of the kink community, you have friends where ever you go. I seriously mean wherever. Fetlife.com provides a network of people anywhere Beauty, and I may roam.
As you know, Beauty and I are active in our kink community here. We have friends who are dear to us, a kink family that includes those in our inner circle who are not related by blood but are joined with us in our family connection that is as just as thick. There are also people scattered all over the country who are also on Fetlife and are also part of their kink community, and so are also part of ours. These people who share the same secret or not so secret life provide a network that links us all together.
Want to know about Tennessee? Look in the groups for that state and write those who are active posters. Want to know the best place to eat or stay when visiting Denver or Colorado in general? Look up the people who run the Sanctuary or organize Thunder in the Mountains. Jud just got back from a tour of Australia, and he had regular meetings with kinky friends new and old. We are everywhere, standing back in the shadows or perhaps lucky enough not to have to hide that part of themselves.
Are there creepers on Fetlife? Absolutely, but the creepers usually hang about online and not at local munches. They tend to not associate with people who actually live this lifestyle, go to munches to socialize with others who are part of it, go to big events, or actually lead by planning munches and events. Even if creepers or questionable people do attend munches, the rules make them behave there, and if you just listen to those you meet, you’ll find out who isn’t someone you’ll want to get to know. Munches are safe, in public, get togethers that usually have rules enforced by the organizer. They are a safe way to meet other kinky people in person where ever you may go.
These people share our interests, understand our special hobbies, and share a secret that binds us. Kink is taboo. It equates to battery in most states. People can be fired from their jobs because of morality clauses; they can be outcasts because their family is horrified and don’t understand, and a slew of other bad incidents can occur if our shared secret comes out. This makes them friends that live everywhere. People with whom we can gather anywhere we go, and people we can learn from and get advice about any area we may wish to move to. That people is one hell of a great network. You already have friends and a way to socialize before you get there. Getting to know people and forming a brand new social network in a place where you have no family is a hell of a hard thing to do, and we already have that in place.
I can post in groups to ask about an area or a state. I can find out where the most active community is in a particular place. I can ask non-kink questions about the way of life, the best neighborhoods, typical weather, area hospitals, etc. It’s networking; it’s finding out first hand from someone who lives in a place, about things you wouldn’t know otherwise. We were looking at Tennessee, Georgia, North Carolina, and South Carolina to relocate, and the kinky people in the places we visited helped us decide where we will go in 260 days.
So I don’t want to hear “I live in Timbuktu, and there aren’t any other kinky people here. I have no way to join a community”. So maybe there isn’t an organized munch, but there is usually someone else who is fairly close. Write them, not as a prospective partner, but as a friend. Meet in public, join together, find another, and begin to grow the community. Take charge or simply make friends. Seriously, a munch is just kinky folks hanging out in a vanilla setting. I stepped into the kink arena alone. I was a woman all by myself going to a munch. It was nerve-wracking. It was the best thing I have ever done.
I now have Beauty because of that step taken years ago, and we now have friends in low places. I grew up in Wisconsin. I have never lived anywhere else. I am confident we will be able to step into the social circle and have people to turn to when we have questions about where to shop, where to eat, who is your plumber? Which is the best hospital? Who is your doctor? What is up with that crazy interstate loop that you have to get on in order to go anywhere? Is there a secret to it? Who, what, where, why, and how??? We have people to turn to, online and in person, just because we are kinky, and that’s pretty damn fabulous.
So over the years, we have met people in or from…
- North Carolina
- South Carolina
- New Orleans
- And of course,
Wisconsin has multiple kink communities, the biggest being Milwaukee and Madison, but kinksters and events are scattered all over the state. This is our home; we grew up here. If you wish to know about WI, ask us, and we’ll point you in the right direction. We have a fabulous group of people where we live.
You too can have this network if you use common sense and the manners your mother taught you. Kinky people are pretty much just people who follow a different set of ideals when it comes to relationships and have some really strange (to the vanillas) hobbies and recreational activities. Use your network. Talk to people. Regular folks are out there who have answers about a place, or are waiting to extend a hand of friendship. We are social, and we flock together when we can. We share something special. I am not saying go forth and have a hook up where ever you go. Do not! And steer clear of anyone who is just looking for a play session. Be smart. I’m talking about people who have vanilla lives in places that are new to you. People who can answer questions the real estate lady can’t. People who will welcome you with open arms if you happen to be in their neck of the woods, and you want to go to a munch. Once you have discovered the network, you’ll have friends in low places, just like we do.