I had planned on writing about dominance, it’s something that is a very part of me. It effect my relationships, it makes me feel settled, it’s both who and what I am. The thing is, even with all that, it pales in comparison with my desire to be equal. I make all the decisions in my home and in my marriage, yes I said marriage, but it’s that very thing that I cannot control and it hurts in a way I can’t really describe.
I love my wife. I cherish her, promise to be faithful, promise to be by her side in good times and bad. We said the words in front of our friends, exchanged rings, did a sand ceremony, and then I also collared her. It was an incredible day and event that joined us forever, but our joining has a big hole. Now Beauty is my wife in my heart and in my soul, and I don’t need a piece of paper, a ring, or a collar to make her that, but that piece of paper you get when you marry someone saying that you are legally bound was missing. The ceremony meant everything, but granted us so little in some ways. We could have crossed the border into Iowa and been legally married, BUT still not be married here in Wisconsin. How fucked up is that? I am single in the eyes of the government. I am single in the eyes of my employer. Yes, Beauty gets some benefits because we went through the process of being legal domestic partners, but we still aren’t ‘recognized’ as being married and there are a lot of people, people I work with for one, that can’t know I have a wife or am part of a same sex couple.
When we went to the courthouse to become domestic partners, we had to have all of the same paperwork, pay the same money, reply to the same words, do the same running around for proof that we were both legally divorced and so on, but when we went back to get our license, everyone who was ‘married’ had their piece of paper in a pretty envelope with bells and all the traditional decoration on it and ours was in a plain brown one. We both commented that that was really crappy. It was kind of like that government office saying well we have to make you legal domestic partners but we sure don’t have to like it.
Okay, I digress. What I want is the freedom to say “This is my wife, Beauty”, and not have eyebrows raise. I want to be able to say we are married and not have people say “Oh, is gay marriage legal in Wisconsin now?” I want to be able to hold her hand, be affectionate, just be us, without nasty looks. I want to be able to say that I have a wife and not worry about all hell breaking loose at work. I want to know that if we are in a car accident and are taken to a hospital I won’t be refused entry to see her, questioned about making the decision about something she needs to live or even her right to die unless I have my paper that says we are legal domestic partners. I want to have equal rights and be able to choose the married box on my taxes if it’s best for us, I want to be able to pay the same rate for insurance coverage for her that married people do through my employer. Yes I realize I’m lucky she is covered at all and I’m lucky those I work with don’t know what the big corporation knows about my love life. I could go on, but I’ve probably run my course when it comes to rights to bitch about this and that.
I just want to be all the way married. I mean really. Beauty is the love of my life, my collared submissive, she is my lover, my partner in life, my helpmate, my best friend, but she isn’t my wife in the eyes of this country. That just sucks. We are people. We live regular lives (well okay so the BDSM isn’t all that regular) but we have kids and grandkids and we are just people. Why must other people care? Just let her be my all the way forever wife. Is that really too much to ask?