Those of you who read my post from yesterday are already up to date with my trials and tribulations, those who didn’t ought to read it before this one. Yesterday I was mopey. Could be menopause, could be work stress. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that writing down and sharing my issues has had a positive effect.
1. We are all human, yes, dominants too. Those of us who wield the power and make the decisions work hard in power exchange relationships. We are prone to mistakes and doubts just like anyone else. No one can have the strength and confidence it takes to be a good Mistress or Master 24/7/365.
2. As I always preach to you, communication is vital. Beauty and I somehow slipped away from our sit down talks every Saturday evening. This is a time to talk without boundaries or roles. Person to person, wife to wife, lover to lover. These talks will be on the list of things I have promised myself will be put back in place.
3. There is more to BDSM than play scenes. I was beating myself up because I felt I was only providing vanilla support and protection and so had no real right to punish or have negative consequences for things she failed to do. I can strengthen our D/s dynamic without stressing out about having the energy to do things I just don’t have right now. Structure, expectation, consequences, guidance, love and support are all vital in any power exchange relationship. I can be a good strong dominant without play. I can provide the other things listed even without the energy that is sapped away by work stress.
4. Beauty needs an hour by hour schedule and I can do that for her. Once her training period was over and she became my collared submissive and wife, I held expectations that she could do without the precise schedule. That is not true. She needs that much structure. it provides support, guidance, and limits. Her inner drive must be motivated and part of the motivation is strict expectations and consequences. I can and will do my best as her dominant by providing this vital aspect of our power exchange relationship.
5. Intimacy is more important that kinky play. Right now I am struggling with day to day life because of my job. I simply don’t have what it takes to do a great BDSM scene. Being the dominant or top in a scene is very physical. I mean you really have to expend a good deal of energy. When I have allowed Beauty to co top with me when I play with my play partner Jud, she found out just how physically taxing a play scene is. I can’t do BDSM play, but I can make certain our bond is strengthened by intimacy. Cuddling relieves stress, being with the person you love in a relaxed way relieves stress, mostly vanilla lovemaking provides intimacy that is as much needed as a good BDSM session. It’s okay if we don’t play as long as we stay connected in other ways.
6. This is important! I don’t have to do this alone. Beauty has always been super supportive of me. she knows when things have gone to hell, she will hold me if I need to cry (yes, the big bad dominant can cry), she listens when I need to bitch about all the crap work is throwing at me and she gives makes life better by taking care of our home, our pets, and me so when I get home I can relax.
So, we are reinstituting;
1. Weekly talk session that is strictly person to person.
2. Specific schedule to keep her grounded and to better help her get things done in a timely manner and give her structure.
3. Daily intimacy that can be as basic as cuddling or lovemaking that can include an over the lap hand spanking to connect us.
4. Pleasure your Mistress day. This gives me a day to really unwind. Beauty’s duties will be written out ahead. This day can be intimate and is very relaxing. I don’t have to make decisions on this day. We have one of these a week and as long as I plan ahead and make a list of what I want on my day, it is soothing and without stress. These days usually have the rule of just us at home too. No friends or kids over.
5. Consequences for not following her schedule. Beauty needs this along with her schedule being written out.
The BDSM play sessions will return. I have no worries over that. We have friends over once a month and I definitely am still very much kinky. I enjoy watching others play and it does ramp up my own desire to play. I will not stress on it though. I am feeling stronger and more steady. We have a plan that I can institute with expending energy I don’t have. Our power exchange relationship never really went anywhere. It’s there in all the little things Beauty does each day and at the very core of our relationship. I have to remember that I’m human. My persona is dominant even if I don’t put on the corset and pick up the flogger.